i have been provoked once again by the never ceasing nagging of to-be husbands and fathers sitting on the radio and tv who want to create and force a Fathers day celebration revolution. Well, i dare say that it will never ever, as long as men take a shower and snakes ask "who's bad?" when they encounter humans, that Father's day will never match or parallel that of Mothers.
I will not go into the constant weak debative lines of men, talking about women carrying babies for 9 months so being much closer to children,sorry i went against my words.
I'll just give you two scenarios, you can observe from henceforth, confirm or share your account with me.
Case 1:
So this is me, i smuggled my way out of the house to play football(sounds like fun right, in my house, football is synonymous to dirt, alikoto, kpitinge, chaskele and the rest) for just thirty minutes. I must say, i have been warned on countless occasions like WWE does; NEVER TRY THIS IF YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THIS FAMILY.
So in one of my famous smuggle scenes, one where we won, i walk home and there she is; the tigress, Margarette Thatcher, waiting.Not just waiting, but with a rod in her hand, not just any rod but the iron rods of the nim tree(seeking whom to devour).
She calls me to come closer, fast forwarding, she created a revival in my insides.
I knew i had to get a redeemer there and then, just like you dream and you are being chased by Kyeiwaa or Dexter's evil sister DD. And you are running, as fast as you can, you ran and there she is right behind you, almost touching you like the woman did the hem of Jesus. And you need all the help you can amass, what do you do? Yeah right, you call on Jesus, even non-christians scream out Jesus and they know help is on the way.
So here i am, taking it all in, my mouth is ajar screaming out for all and sundry to come see that the tradition of colonialism started in families before the whites got to Africa and i screamed, called for a saviour, Maaaaaaaaa!!!!!
You say what? Yeah, i called her, she was the punisher and she was the first name that i could call. From that day, when i called my mum after all the whips, even with ADD i knew that mothers were special, you will still run to them, even when they are the enemy.
BEWARE:If you are a christian and the first name you mention when attacked by demons is not Jesus, please denounce your Christianity.
Case 2:
i visited a neighbour, like Margarette Thatcher,she was dishing out whips as you would enter numbers to make a call.Slow but sure it came, but this is what got me.
The woman,whipped the young lad and he cried pleading mercy, she said "no way." At a point, she picked a glass of coca-cola laying a table close by, took a sip and asked the chap, "you want some?" .You think she denied him, you are wrong, she handed him the glass and waited for him to gulp down. He delayed and she cried out, "Hurry up with drink and take the rest of your whips" Friends who does that, pleasure in punishment. After this, please tell me Father's day should be celebrated just like Mothers day and i'll put a rock in your head.
friends share daddy experiences:
Russel Peters
Sometimes, not often, a white kid comes in to our neighborhood, we see him and go like "White kid, I've heard so much about you." These kids come up and for like two weeks as they are there, we want to be like them and they give us this insane things to do, we know it'll be signing our death warrant but we wanna be white even for a day(well, I'm killing the chew and pour spirit so this is my account of the Russel story. Still pure; from a mad man to another mad man).
So this kid tells us to threaten to call social services anytime our parents threaten to beat us and i take the challenge. That night, my dad asks me to go do the dishes, and i say, "Well you have hands, you can do you it yourself!" He asks, "Are you talking to me?" I say, "yes." He looks at me and says "Someones gonna get hurt real bad. Someone. Someone. I don't know who it is but i guess you know." That's what he always says, someone, you knew it was you but he'll never say you, he'll give you this hope that it wasn't you and bamm!!! you are someone.
So, he tries to hit me and i threaten to call social services.i say, "If you hit me, i'll call social service and they'll come and pick you up and lock you up for a long time" and he calls my bluff. "Well yes. I know they'll take me away for a long time but i know that it'll take them 25 minutes to get here. In those 25 minutes, someone is gonna get hurt real bad"
Chris Rock
In this day and age, its very easy to become a daddy, government and loud-mouthed citizens are blabbing all day about how there are so many single women with no help, their daddies away or unknown. Well, that's a lie. It's so easy being a dad these days, all you have to do is stick in there long enough to just come and voila you are a dad, it's as easy as farting when no one is watching. You are a dad way before she realizes she missed her period, you are a dad way before she says, "did you put that in me?" .And there you are, confused asking yourself what do you do.
CAUTION: Never suggest abortion to her, let her figure it out herself. In times like this, you just go to her look her in the eye and ask," What are you going to do about it?" and just wait. She'll take it over to the girl-group court and decide there and then what happens to it.
If you suggest abortion and the court does not second your judgement, next time you're in the neighbourhood, you see your kid coming up the street, you ask "Hey whats up? How're you doing?"
He'll look you dead in the face and scream,"I'm alive. What the fuck do you think. I'm alive, you wanted me dead. I should put a bullet in your head right about now bi-a-tch"
That my friends is why Fathers day will never parallel that of mothers. I'll end by saying that if it was Fathers day and my son bought me a Cadillac, i'll run it through the wall. That boy thinks he's got money, so he buys a Cadillac to show off on me.Nonsense!! Wants to take my wife away from me with that.
