do it

“We regret more about the things that we did not do than the things that we did do. Get out of yourself and just do it. “

I read this in the daily and man was I pleased, truth is that I have been there seen it done, heard the stories.  At times I feel like the losers who sit behind their TV’s ten years down the line and say, Kojo? That guy was my mate in school, he sat next to me for three consecutive years. He was very funny, but he was a sharp-brain too, always soaked up in his books when he wasn’t making us laugh. Who would have thought him being the governor of the bank of Ghana; well he did found smart ways of making us making us surrender our money. Who would have thought him the president of that big organization; well he landed the position of the class prefect and he did do a good job at that. Who would have thought him the next drug baron, with a chain of hotels, restaurants and guesthouses; well he was doing one “connection” or another (Just like Pastor Koomson says that workers in the electricity company, ECG have done so many connections that when they hear connection they think they are being called). Who would have thought an armed robber; well he was very generous and never seemed to run out, I thought it was the fulfillment of the-more-you-give-the-more-get cliché.

Well if you don’t get it, I’ll let Russel Peters my very good friend say something before I continue;

Lets say in the next ten years, where the world is highly a global village and all kids from different races meet and talk. And the black kid says, ”My dad used to slap me so much that at a point he thought I no longer felt it. He was right. The next time I did something wrong he took me to his shop, made me carry a desktop set wearing a t-shirt that read; THEY ARE PORTABLE.” The Rastafarian kid will say, “That’s nothing,  my dad beat me so much that I thought I was Bob Marley, I wrote a song of liberation and freedom.” The Indian kid will say, “That is cool, my dad will say nothing till dinner. He’ll seve me an unusually large meal. He’ll then ask me questions whose answers are no. With each no , he’ll take part off my plate. At the end of the cross-examination my plate will be empty, he’ll then give me 5 grains if it is rice and a slice if yam. He’ll eat the rest.” And as they all share their stories the white kid will just sit there unable to share any. Why? It’s because his parents deprived of such memorable experiences of life. The point? White parents, please beat your kids.

So here I am having missed some of these childhood pranks and wishes. I am here today  to say like the man who was bold enough to give the quote but such a coward that he did not give his name that GET OUT OF YOURSELF AND JUST DO IT. I have my list but I have a to-do list that fits in all age or life categories, please try this.

Babies

  Shit in your pants, your diapers, whatever it is you’re wearing when your dad is carrying you. Don’t slack. An A+ if you get it on his shirt (like soak it) because later in life, that man will push you, beat you,  he will piss you off, eat all the food when you are the one who needs the proteins to grow well.

  Suck on a particular breast of your mother continuously or bite it continuously for a everyday for seven days to make a week. She’ll always remind you of this, you’ll also remember then and won’t need the newspapers and I’ll-hype-whatever-thing-called-holiday journalists to know that you have to make mothers day a special occasion for her.  

Toddlers

Ages 6-13

Soak the bed with urine,

Teenagers

Adults: 

Workers

Wives

Single women

Single men

Husbands

Grandfathers and mothers

Aunts and Uncles

 PS: Fortunately or unfortunately, in my 20+ years of being human, 200 years of being an alien and 2000 years of being a total idiot i have missed or not attained the levels or stages like single woman(since, not to state the obvious i am a freshman), please feel free and tigo-ish sharing your experience at that stage.